It’s a challenge to stand out in todays crowded world. Being aware of your personal as well as professional goals is a must. Often times the lines between work and life get blurred, which is not necessarily a bad thing! CEO & Realtor, Jake Dreyfuss, shares important tips to identifying and achieving your goals while supporting others as they do the same.
- 3:15 – Making an impactful resolution
- 4:57 – How to support others in achieving their goals
- 6:12 – The ‘One Thing’ process
- 7:14 – Identifying the roles we play in life
- 9:36 – What are your top 5 roles?
- 12:13 – Why the personal & professional lines need to get blurry
The One Thing – Gary Keller & Jay Papasan
Full Episode Transcription :
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So Jake, I am really pumped to have you on the episode. We’re, because I actually had a really hard time figuring out what to talk about, but we came up with a really good idea.
Yeah. I think it’s going to be a high impact, high value episode for our listeners.
Yeah, and it’s, it’s sort of the meta discussion before deciding what your goals are and what you are, what you need to do, what you want to do, what your purpose is.
It’s who are you?
It’s who are you. Yeah. Who are you? What identity have you decided have you chosen? I think as part of it is a choice. Identities, plural, identities. And how do you understand that? How do you discover it? Clarify it, and then I guess what can you do to improve it. Right
Guys look, we’re, it is a timely conversation because as this is being recorded, it’s the day after Halloween, right? This is the season of our lives. There’s engineered to make us to believe certain things. For example, everyone’s going to be starting to create resolutions soon, right? You’re randomly going to pick something that seems important out of thin air, assign some value to it, keep our fingers crossed and hope and sometimes hope no one remembers it. Or some of us hope that we have enough willpower to actually achieve it. And you know, through my work and some frankly failing a lot there’s a lot of things we can do before starting to plan our goals for 2020 that’ll make it exponentially more impactful. And that’s what we can chat about today.
Love it. Love it. So, so tell us, Jake, about your process for identity and you went, you went through a process literally identifying who you are and who you are not and tell us how that has shown itself to you and the value it’s had in your process.
Absolutely. So, you know, I have to give credit to Gary Keller and Jay Papasan, the authors of the book. The one thing, if you haven’t read it, it’s a game changer. And I was fortunate enough to be invited to their inaugural goal-setting retreat, which was a, a byproduct of Jay the co-author has been doing these goal-setting retreats with his wife for the better part of two decades. And I learned a lot by going down there. First I attended alone and last year I had the pleasure of attending with my wife Alex. And, and it was an amazing and challenging experience. And what we learned from it was that first and foremost, especially if you’re in, whether you’re in a partnership professionally, a partnership on the relationship side, that there’s a lot of value in doing this together first and foremost with, with the, with the most important people in your lives. And what, what Jay and Wendy, his wife shared with us in the, in the kickoff to the event was that it was an important thing to remember is that you’re not here to negotiate, to share the same goal necessarily. You’re here merely to set your own and come to a mutual understanding of what each other’s are so you can support each other. On the path toward, towards achieving those goals.
And real quickly, that’s fundamentally how business should be, right? We’re supporting each other’s goals to be successful at any client, partner, relationship. Right. So I just want to comment on that real quickly.
Yeah. I think, I think often, you know, if there’s business owners listening to this, this, this conversation, so often, sometimes if someone’s goal is bigger than ours, in our organization. We might view that as someone impeding on our space. Whereas actually as business owners, business leaders, we need to be dreaming so big that everyone else’s dreams in our world can fit within that. So a mutual understanding of those goals is important. So we can make sure that, yeah, if someone in my organization is dreaming for X, then I’m dreaming for Y so I know that I can, I can still encompass that in my world and they don’t have to leave me in order to achieve their goal. And I guess the same goes with marriage, right? That same scary conversation, that same scary statistic. We all know of the success rate of marriages in our country. What would happen if we all went and had all a time on our calendar to go away together somewhere new somewhere where our brains recognizes more different and had these deep and sometimes challenging conversations about what we actually want from our life. And, and during the, the first phase of this, which is I think where most people go wrong. So if I said to you, what are your goals for 2020 a lot of people go to the what? They go, well, I want to earn this amount of money. I want to have this, I want to take this amount of vacations and what we learned through going through this process with the one thing, and you know, being a one thing coach myself, is that first we have to identify the role that enrolls. We want to play as a human first. Who do we want to be before the, what can come into play, right?
So the first step is identifying what roles we play in our life today. So I encourage everyone listening. Take, pause the episode, take a minute, take a piece of paper and write down all the roles you play. I’m a husband, I’m a son, I’m an athlete. I’m a student. I’m a philanthropist. You know all, there’s all these things. Just take more time than you think. And even when you think you’re done, sit there and keep thinking about all of the things you do. If you need help figuring those things out. By the way, look at your calendar. Read through your text messages from the past couple of weeks. See what people are asking you to do, right? Are you a taxi driver? Are you? You know, they’ll all, they will come to you. It’ll be a stream of consciousness. And then when you’re done that part, you want to ask yourself what roles are missing. So read through everything you just wrote. It takes some time. It’s considered what’s, what’s missing now. I’ll be vulnerable here and I’ll share what I learned in going through that exercise. I sat there for, I don’t know, it was 5, 10 minutes doing that. And then we finally got to the section about what roles are missing. I realize, Oh my gosh, I actually didn’t put that I’m an uncle and family’s something I say is really important to be, and yet that didn’t show up on a list that I spent staring at for 10 minutes. Right? So what, what does that say about really what my priorities are? And so the point of this exercise I think comes down to that specific example. When you think about your 2020 goals, who do you want to be? And so for me, it was a really simple question, do I want to be an amazing uncle? However I define that, and the answer was yes. So I had to fit into my plan, my dream, my goal setting for 2020 so I want to pause there for a second because I think those, those two first steps are key. What roles do you play? And then what’s missing.
When they, at least at the retreat you were at Jake, when they go around and they asked, I’m assuming they asked a question that made you think of like, Oh my God, that’s right. I am an uncle. I can’t believe I didn’t put that there. Were there a lot of like drop jaws around the room where people like, Oh my gosh, I didn’t even put it, I’m a good son.
Oh yeah, yes, absolutely. You cause people would stand up and share and that’s how I remembered. Oh my God, I, I didn’t put that and first I was embarrassed by it. Then I was like, then I felt kind of empowered by, I’m like, wow, this is, this is the point. This is why we don’t just let life go by on autopilot. Say yes to go. Like we had to fly to Austin. My wife didn’t, frankly, didn’t really want to go. She didn’t really know it was, I dragged her down. It was uncomfortable. And yet that’s what we have to do in order to grow. So when we look back at our life, we say, wow, we did it as we actually intended. Because then the next step from it is say, okay, great, now we know all this, now we have a complete of list as we possibly could. Now let’s rank them in order. And if you can only pick five of that whole list that would make your life appear and feel and smell and taste exactly like you want, which five roles would you pick? I understand you can’t do a hundred of them or at least do a hundred of them. Well, Mmm. And obviously that’s when the rubber meets the road, right? Which of these is actually the most important? And which of these, if you did them, would encompass the others? Right? So if I want to show up as a family man, for me, those redefining family man does not just mean my wife, my two daughters. That means my entire extended family. So what’s the plan for that? If I look at my calendar, how could someone tell that I’m a family? Man. Well all my walls right now, there’s a counter for 2020 with all my nephews birthdays already written on it and a week notice before that so I can know what to pick out a gift that is actually meaningful to send to them so they know I care as well as all the other touches I’m going to do. So I love that example of if a stranger is walking down the street and they looked at your calendar, could they tell what you do professionally or what you intend to do? Could they, could they tell what type of business you’re building? Did they tell what type of, you know, human, you are protective philanthropists, your are what type of father, mother, daughter, son, all those things. What’s the evidence? And then we started talking about goal setting and we actually started putting pen to paper.
It’s a really powerful exercise.
It really is. I’ve never, I’ve never heard of this. I’ve never heard of it. I mean I hope they called it roles to goals cause that’s just top of mind for me. But I’ve never actually heard of that. Identifying the roles. And I don’t know if you guys heard, I like aye creatively interjected. I’m a good son. Do you, is it just you identify the position or you’re qualifying your rank of effectiveness in that role?
Yeah, well that’s, that’s when the, that’s the next step is first identifying the roles and then identifying yes, to your point, how, what does good even mean.
As you measure your progress against the identity of the role.
Yes, like I’m a nasty husband, whatever you want to.
Yeah. And so it’s interesting because you know, without naming names there was, there’s one example that stands out in my memory, it was a, it was a live role play we watched. And if you’re not familiar with the book yet, when you read the one thing, you’ll find out, there’s a focusing question that is asked and it’s, you know, what’s the one thing you could do such that by doing it, everything else becomes easier or unnecessary. So the person who’s being interviewed walk through as whole as a, probably like a 45 minute dialogue. That eventually when you keep drilling down and they’re asking the same question over and over. Okay, well how will you know when that’s done and what’s the one thing you can do to make sure that you keep drilling and drilling? Drilling. And it came down to the fact that in order for this gentleman to achieve his, his professional goals, it tied back to how he shows up every morning in the, in the office, which ties back to how his relationship is at home, which ties back to how many date nights he and his wife need to go on. So they feel connected. And that was literally the one thing that would unlock everything else. So everything else had to be ignored until he knew all those things were planned. And the powerful thing is when, what’s taught in the book is that when you’re, the lines are blurry. When you’re in need, you become blurry professionally. And then a lot of times when people are viewing goals professionally, they’re only will focus on the professional goals. So if you’re my boss, Todd, and you’re, you’re working with me on a weekly basis. If we only focused on our business professional goals and we didn’t have our personal ones on that same sheet of paper, we’d be missing a chance to build a deeper relationship and for you to demonstrate to me how much you care about me in the relationship. So his boss happened to be in the room during this conversation and there’s follow-up podcast evidence to suggest that when they do their 411 review, which is basically their weekly review of priorities, the boss will always start with checking on the goal versus actual on date nights before they get to any of the professional things.
And when, when the podcast came out, the, the subordinate in this case, was so appreciative of how much his boss is asking that question cause he knows now there’s physical evidence that shows how much the organization cares about his mental and physical health. And it’s not just work. So there’s great tangential things that come after this once there’s clarity, but if there weren’t any clarity in that situation, it just circled back to some financial goal that really had no, no meaningful. In fact, it may have caused a breakup of their marriage. The business in that case was failing his employee. So I think the thing for us all to remember is that if we intend to be in long-term professional relationships, we can’t just think of them as professional. They also need, they need to, the lines need to get blurry.
An incredibly provocative topic. I personally have received a ton of value and consideration here for my own life. So thanks for that Jake. Awesome
Yeah, Jake, this is great. Do you have a part of, part of your maps business coaching? Is there a downloadable something to get access to some of these exercises that we can share? We can put it on the podcast side too.
Yeah, yeah. So we’re, we’re planning a virtual 2020 goal setting retreat. So if you liked what you heard, you can, you can get involved. You don’t have to fly to Austin, Texas to do it. This will be an introductory conversation. You know, we’ll get into some of the methodologies and you’ll leave with enough tools to be able to start off on your own path to doing your own goal setting retreat.
Amazing. Jake, thanks Jay. Time and wisdom.
My pleasure. Thank you guys.
You got it. Have a good one.